Mama vs. The World (Self-love series, Part 1)

Let’s start with a story. Once there was a young woman who loved her skinny jeans, had a hair-care routine that would put Rapunzel to shame and worked out daily. Then one day, a tiny stick informed her that a human being was growing inside her body. The woman was ecstatic, nervous, in love – all at the same time. 9 months later, her little bundle of joy was born. Suddenly, those skinny jeans didn’t fit, hair-care became the last item on her to-do list (somewhere after baby proofing the plug points and downloading Omar and Hana videos on her phone to save data) and working out became a distant memory. The woman didn’t feel so young anymore. Even though she loved her baby more than she had ever imagined her heart could love, she started feeling overweight, overworked and so unlike her old self.

Soon, the life of this little human became her most important job. She strived tirelessly to become the perfect mother and the perfect wife, living in constant fear that one wrong move might very well lead her child to end up joining a gang someday. The young woman was so relentless in her pursuit to care for everyone around her that she forgot to care about the most important person of them all, herself. The woman that once you knew exactly who she was began defining herself in terms of her relationships with others: Mum, wife, daughter, daughter-in-law.

Recognise her? I’m sure you do, because for most of us, Mums, this is a reality that far too many of us have lived, perhaps time and time again.

Our societies have somehow succeeded in their quest to convince us that taking time out to do things for ourselves make us bad mothers. There is a stigma attached to self-care for mummies, which serves no other purpose than keeping us locked in the shackles of the roles society deems appropriate. We, women, are capable of being more than one thing at a time. The art of wearing different hats to suit our different roles, at different times or simultaneously, is a gift from the Almighty that is woven into the fabric of our very existence. We can be great mothers, and still do things that are just for us. We can fully submerge ourselves into our roles and still maintain our sense of self.

Imaan Al-Ghazali has said, “If you don’t know yourself, how can you know Allah?”

If you’re reading this mama, this is for you. Yes I am talking to you. You- beautiful, magical, baby-manufacturing machine, you. You are special, not because I am saying so, because your Creator has said so.  You are worthy of love, especially and most importantly, your own.

What makes you so special?

There is a hadith to the effect that a man came to the Prophet SAW and said, “Oh Messenger SAW, to whom should I be good in order to benefit completely from my good deed? The Messenger SAW responded, “Your mother. Your mother. Your mother. Then your father.” (Bukhari)

Another time the Prophet SAW said, “I swear to the God who has chosen me as a prophet that the spiritual reward which you receive for serving your mother for even one night and making her happy with your presence is greater than serving in a one-year-long holy war.” (Al Kafi, Vol 2)

You were created in the essence of the Almighty. The status He has given to you is an unquestionable evidence of His love. He has created your heart to hold a capacity of love that is beyond quantification, so why do you not reserve some of that love for yourself?

In fact, you are so special that He chose you to be the vessel through which that wonderful human would be transported to this earth. He has likened service to you by your children, to serving in His path. Our Nabi SAW has described the best of people as the one who is best to you. Mama, this is the reality of who you are in Islam. Remind yourself of this reality, honour it and give your love to yourself as freely as you do other people.

You are beautiful, you are magical and you are strong. Face the world with pride, love the skin you’re in and embrace all that He has made you. Wear those pregnancy scars like a tigress wears her stripes and walk on this earth as if the clouds are beneath your feet.

After all, that’s where heaven lies, doesn’t it?

CHECK OUT MY NEXT POST EXPANDING ON WHAT YOU CAN DO TO ACHIEVE SELF-LOVE