“Ok Nasira, you’ve convinced me that I’m special, now what?” (Self-love series, Part 2)

If you’re reading this post, you’re keen to know more about what you can do to achieve self-love. Alternatively, you’re just pretending to be busy on your phone so you can avoid a conversation with someone. I’m hoping for the former, but either way I’ve got your back girl (cue eye squint at your screen to seem more convincing).

This post basically just expands on a few tips that I think are pretty useful to all us, women. Society has ingrained in us the need to be damsels in distress; waiting to be rescued from the fire-spitting dragon. But now more than ever, it is so important for us to regain our sense of self-worth, independence and self-acceptance.

1. Self-love

Despite being a fitness fanatic myself, this post is not about fitness at all. This post is about learning to accept, embrace and love yourself for all that you are. Mama, the first step to self-care is accepting the fact that you are worthy and deserving of your own love. This begins by simply reminding yourself that if your Creator loves you, who are you to deny yourself your own love? Love yourself because it is a form of gratitude to the One who decreed your existence and because your children will grow up learning their worth from the way you treat yourself.

2. Do things that make you happy

Every now and again, it is necessary for you do things just for yourself- get a facial, go to a spa, read a book. Do what you need to do to keep yourself sane, things that will remind you that you are not defined by your relationship to others. Besides being a mother, a wife, a daughter, daughter-in-law, you are you. An individual human being, with individual needs.

3. Trust your own instincts

Six weeks after I gave birth to my daughter, I was still 15kgs over my pre-pregnancy weight. I could barely look in the mirror without cringing. I stopped feeling the need to call people to let them know I was close-by because I felt that they would be notified by the earth trembling every time I took a step. Now, while this post is not aimed at encouraging anyone to lose the baby weight, I am merely sharing my own battle with you, remember we all have different battles to fight.

The extra kilos started weighing heavily on me (pun intended) and eventually I developed a real case of the baby blues. At that point, I decided to start clean-eating. I was still breastfeeding at the time, and I would have the Aunty Dollies of the world tell me things like, “Don’t diet, your baby needs nutrition” or “You’re starving your kid.” Or “You don’t have a good milk flow because you’re not drinking enough dairy,” (For the record, clean eating post-partum DOES NOT result in your baby lacking nutrition. In fact, eating good meals will assist in providing your baby with essential nutrition. Please hit me up if you want some recipes, happy to share the tricks of the trade.) In any event, I learned to block out the Aunty Dolly’s of the world. The way I saw it, if I was in good spirits, my child would be in good spirits. Caring for myself translated to caring for my child.

You know best about what is good for you. You know what you need to service your soul. There is no shame in taking time out to do those things, no matter how many times society tries to tell you otherwise. Your motherly instinct is a gift from the Almighty, ignore the haters and just do you. Happy Mama, happy baby.

4. Ignore Aunty Dolly

Some time ago, I taught myself a trick to help me cope with society’s constant need to shame mothers into believing that doing anything for ourselves make us bad mothers. I created a mental filing system: Important stuff, stuff to get back to later, stuff to consider and Junk Mail.

You’ve got to be able to sift through the information, advice and warnings you are receiving from people. If it has any biological, scientific or Islamic merit, by all means consider or accept it. But, needless to say, Aunty Dolly’s opinion that you are a bad mum because you formula feed your baby goes directly to Junk Mail.

5. Remember who we are

We are not damsels in distress, waiting for a brave knight to rescue us from a fire-spitting dragon. We are the dragons, waiting to devour any form of self-hate, negative thoughts and societal shaming.

We are not weak, helpless creatures. We have been created in difficulty, our Lord has decreed such strength in us that we are able to bring real-life human beings into this world.

Warships, hurricanes and battle planes are not named after men. They’re named after US.

Most importantly, our Creator has honoured His love for us women by blessing us with the highest status of them all – a whole chapter in the Quran, named just for us (An-Nisa – The Women, Chapter 4).

Finally, always remember that loving ourselves is the ultimate way to honour the One to whom love originates. And of course, in a society that benefits largely from our insecurities and lack of self-worth, loving ourselves is our strongest weapon and our greatest act of rebellion.

Your sister in arms

Nasira